30 Weeks

Today I hit 30 weeks pregnant.  There were many days where I thought this day might not come, probably was going to deliver before.  I am so glad I have been able to make it!  Now to the home stretch.  
Yesterday several doctors came to visit me, meet me for the first time, etc.  They have informed me that the pregnancy will not go past 34 weeks.  Some doctors made it sound like they just want to get me to 32 weeks if possible.  The entire team working with my case agrees that they will take this day by day and they don't want to let my heart go one day more than it should.  
Everything is revolved around my valve.  Forget my original heart problem and really any other issues,  my valve is torn and once that has more strain from labor and, ultimately, child birth, they are worried that soon as it shuts down, it will affect the baby first.  The doctors don't want me to push at all.  They will be ready with forceps.  They are considering a c-section, but there are many issues that come with that as well.  More blood loss, cause for infection.  It's still surgery and with any, you never want to have to go into surgery if you absolutely don't have to.  The other issue is the baby is BREECH.  So if the baby doesn't flip, there might not be another option.  
I feel like every time I write a post, they may come across a little selfish.  This pregnancy has been so unlike my first.  While I was pregnant with Charlotte, I didn't really worry like I have this time around.  Everything went so smoothly.  I was excited from day one of finding out I was pregnant.  With this pregnancy, it was so planned out (a five year decision), that all I can do is worry and wonder how this is all going to work out.  Did I really follow the promptings of the Spirit or did I lean on my own thoughts and desires?  Of course I'm excited to add another little girl to our family.  Seeing how excited Charlotte gets when we talk about baby is pure joy.  She is going to be the best big sister.  But honestly, I have been so concerned about my well-being and getting home alive to Charlotte and Josh.  When this all does end up working out, I have pictured us walking into our beautiful home with our new little bundle of joy and being a happy family of four, forever.  
There have been so many tender mercies throughout the pregnancy.  I know that Heavenly Father has his hand in everything.  I am so grateful for my knowledge of Him and his eternal plan for all his children.  If anyone knows what "miracle" means, it's me.  I have had so many experiences throughout my life (not just health related) where I was guided only by the Spirit.  I try not to use the word "blessed" because I don't feel like those who have hard times are forgotten (and I have had plenty of rough patches along the way), but I do feel like I have so much more to learn, to give, to experience, and to do!  I am so fortunate to have family who is willing to come non-stop and help us at home.  I get emotional thinking about the love of family and the willingness and support that everyone has had for us.  I just hope I am well enough to return the favor someday.  
This Saturday, Tahnee will leave to go back to Utah and my dad will fly into Atlanta and stay at the hospital with me until the baby is born.  Josh's mom will be at our house Sunday night, when Josh and Charlotte arrive back home from visiting me this weekend.  Once we know the baby is coming, Josh will come back to the hospital for however long he needs to.  The baby is expected to be in the NICU and as long as I am doing well, I will stay with her for as long as she is here.  It gets tricky being so far from home, but I have amazing doctors and haven't regretted my decision to come to Atlanta to have this baby.   Thank you to all who have reached out, it really does mean so much to me and my family.  We feel so loved.  So many have asked what you can do to help, all I can ask is please pray for us.  I know there are so many people that need prayers, and when you include us in your list, I can't think of anything kinder or more thoughtful.