30 Weeks

Today I hit 30 weeks pregnant.  There were many days where I thought this day might not come, probably was going to deliver before.  I am so glad I have been able to make it!  Now to the home stretch.  
Yesterday several doctors came to visit me, meet me for the first time, etc.  They have informed me that the pregnancy will not go past 34 weeks.  Some doctors made it sound like they just want to get me to 32 weeks if possible.  The entire team working with my case agrees that they will take this day by day and they don't want to let my heart go one day more than it should.  
Everything is revolved around my valve.  Forget my original heart problem and really any other issues,  my valve is torn and once that has more strain from labor and, ultimately, child birth, they are worried that soon as it shuts down, it will affect the baby first.  The doctors don't want me to push at all.  They will be ready with forceps.  They are considering a c-section, but there are many issues that come with that as well.  More blood loss, cause for infection.  It's still surgery and with any, you never want to have to go into surgery if you absolutely don't have to.  The other issue is the baby is BREECH.  So if the baby doesn't flip, there might not be another option.  
I feel like every time I write a post, they may come across a little selfish.  This pregnancy has been so unlike my first.  While I was pregnant with Charlotte, I didn't really worry like I have this time around.  Everything went so smoothly.  I was excited from day one of finding out I was pregnant.  With this pregnancy, it was so planned out (a five year decision), that all I can do is worry and wonder how this is all going to work out.  Did I really follow the promptings of the Spirit or did I lean on my own thoughts and desires?  Of course I'm excited to add another little girl to our family.  Seeing how excited Charlotte gets when we talk about baby is pure joy.  She is going to be the best big sister.  But honestly, I have been so concerned about my well-being and getting home alive to Charlotte and Josh.  When this all does end up working out, I have pictured us walking into our beautiful home with our new little bundle of joy and being a happy family of four, forever.  
There have been so many tender mercies throughout the pregnancy.  I know that Heavenly Father has his hand in everything.  I am so grateful for my knowledge of Him and his eternal plan for all his children.  If anyone knows what "miracle" means, it's me.  I have had so many experiences throughout my life (not just health related) where I was guided only by the Spirit.  I try not to use the word "blessed" because I don't feel like those who have hard times are forgotten (and I have had plenty of rough patches along the way), but I do feel like I have so much more to learn, to give, to experience, and to do!  I am so fortunate to have family who is willing to come non-stop and help us at home.  I get emotional thinking about the love of family and the willingness and support that everyone has had for us.  I just hope I am well enough to return the favor someday.  
This Saturday, Tahnee will leave to go back to Utah and my dad will fly into Atlanta and stay at the hospital with me until the baby is born.  Josh's mom will be at our house Sunday night, when Josh and Charlotte arrive back home from visiting me this weekend.  Once we know the baby is coming, Josh will come back to the hospital for however long he needs to.  The baby is expected to be in the NICU and as long as I am doing well, I will stay with her for as long as she is here.  It gets tricky being so far from home, but I have amazing doctors and haven't regretted my decision to come to Atlanta to have this baby.   Thank you to all who have reached out, it really does mean so much to me and my family.  We feel so loved.  So many have asked what you can do to help, all I can ask is please pray for us.  I know there are so many people that need prayers, and when you include us in your list, I can't think of anything kinder or more thoughtful.  

Pregnancy Update

Prolonging the inevitable can only go for so long. Monday I was admitted to the hospital and it’s been an emotional roller coaster kind of day.

We drove to Atlanta Sunday night, stayed at our friend’s house again and got up this morning to start the long day of appointments. 

We started with the OB. We talked to her, asked some questions, she listened to the baby’s heartbeat and we were done.

Luckily the cardiologist is in the same building, so we headed there next. I had an echo, then saw my regular cardiologist, Dr. Book. She expressed how my heart looks worse than the last appointment, the valve is torn and would need repairing, and she wasn’t comfortable with me being so far away. Dr. Book finally used the term “bed rest” and said she wanted me under daily watch here in the hospital. I came prepared with my “bag” but I hadn’t really mentally prepared for actually being admitted today! She let me and Josh talk it over and soon as she left the room I just lost it. All I could think about is not being with Charlotte for several weeks. It kills me that I can’t be with her. But I also understand she won’t remember this when she gets older and if she does, she’ll understand Mommy had to do this for the family. 

Dr. Book was talking to another specialist, Dr. Bobalrous, who specializes in the structure of the heart. We discussed different ways to replace my tricuspid valve without having to open up the chest cavity. My heart cannot handle another open-heart surgery, so performing the least minimal invasive surgery is the best option right now. Either they will go through the groin or make a pen-size hole in the chest. It’s a relief if I don’t have to have my sternum cut open! When would this be? Hopefully we can get through the pregnancy without having to replace the valve. They are hoping my body can recover from having a baby and do this operation 6-12 months post delivery. The valve is the biggest issue right now. Praying that it can withstand the rest of the pregnancy. 

The last appointment was with the Maternal and Fetal Medicine team. This appointment is in Midtown Atlanta, same place where I will be delivering. They did another ultrasound on the baby. Everything looked great. This is the only benefit of a high-risk pregnancy...lots of ultrasounds and getting to see our baby girl. Baby Whitmore is weighing in (according to ultrasound) 3 lbs. 5 oz. Seems so big for this early! They are basically planning on me delivering between 32-34 weeks. I was really shocked to hear such an early due date, but they will take it day-by-day. 

After I met with the doctors, we went down to Labor & Delivery and got all registered. I have my own room (thank heavens) and Josh stayed until 8:00. He needs to be home for Charlotte and work! But before he left, we ordered room service, got my IV in (I needed the moral support because I HATE needles), blood draws, and got settled in. He has been so patient with this entire situation of driving out of state every month and I really have appreciated his support! I will see him on the weekends and when it gets closer to actually delivering the baby, he will come to stay permanently. 

I am completely drained emotionally and mentally. I have had a rough time adjusting to the circumstances just because I have actually been feeling really good lately and was hopeful I would be going back home after my appointments. If I don’t respond right away to your messages, please do not take it personally. I am tired and it takes a lot of brain power to type out responses (even this...I’ve been putting it off all day and it’s almost midnight) and chat. Luckily I had packed in the sense that Dr. Book had told me to come prepared just in case. I hope this isn’t too hodge lodge to read and makes sense. My mind is a little scattered right now. 

Thank you to everyone who has included our family in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you to everyone back home who has helped and reached out with love and concern. Our family has been amazing in helping us on the home front. Tahnee will be there through Saturday and Josh’s Mom will come back on Sunday. We feel very fortunate to have so many willing people helping us along the way. Like I said before, this has been a group effort!! 

Pregnancy Update

I thought I would do a little update on my pregnancy. I have had so many of you reach out to me and I wanted to tell you that I truly appreciate all of the messages, texts, prayers, and more! I can’t tell you how much it means to me that there are so many thinking about our family. Thank you, thank you!!

My doctor had previously told me that weeks 22-28 will be the hardest. To prepare to be hospitalized. To try and get to the latter of that to deliver the baby.  I am so glad to say that I am 28 weeks today! Baby girl is still cooking and I am still at home!! 

As far as how I am feeling, I am exhausted pretty much all the time. I have a hard time breathing for most of the day. I am not sure if that it’s just getting bigger or my heart issues, but probably both! Going up stairs is always the hardest. I try and limit that as much as possible. I try to get ready and everything before I come down for the day. I am slow moving. I take a while to get out of bed. Luckily Josh will go down with Charlotte in the morning and get her breakfast and my mom gets her off to school. I can stay in bed and take my time each morning.  I haven’t swelled, which is a huge indicator I’m retaining fluid and would be admitted. I am not having trouble breathing while I sleep. So those are very good things!!! I get really winded when I talk a lot (which we all know I love to do) and if I sing (haha which we all know I love to do as well...even though I’m basically tone deaf...yes, I’m well aware). That’s why I haven’t called or try to avoid being social. Not being social has been one of the hardest things during this experience. I love getting out and about and meeting new people and this whole thing has really put a damper on that! 

It’s so hard, naturally being a busy body and getting stuff done all the time, to just sit back and rely on everyone around me. Right now I am mentally nesting, because that’s pretty much all I can do. I have been able to do some online shopping and gather things for the arrival of our baby. My mom has helped with several projects around the house. Rearranging furniture, hanging stuff on my walls, etc. I can’t lift or carry or do anything, so Josh and my mom are doing it all.  I am so glad my mom is here. I know there are a lot of sacrifices her and my dad have had to make with all the little kids still at home. I appreciate her coming to take care of me and my family. Taking Charlotte to and from school every day, doing our chores, cooking dinner every night and so much more!!  

I am so grateful to have a supportive family who has been willing to stay with me and do everything. My mother-in-law stayed with us for a month, my mom has been here for three weeks (by the time she leaves on Saturday), Tahnee comes for a couple weeks and then possibly my dad next. I have had several other friends and family reach out and volunteer to come stay with me, and I am so grateful to all of you! 

Every day I am more in love with Josh.  He is so patient with this entire situation.  I just can't really put into words how grateful I am that he is my eternal partner.  I feel so lucky every day.  He has dealt with so much lately.  New city, new house, new job, people in and out of our house constantly and yet he has never complained or made things difficult.  But always so willing to do whatever needs to be done.  

My next appointment is on February 19. My first time on a Monday and it worked out that Josh has the day off for President’s Day. Tahnee will be here to watch Charlotte. I have to come prepared to be admitted to the hospital. I am just hoping and praying I can come back home. I am not ready to be in the hospital and away from Josh and Charlotte for so long. Ugh. It’s going to be awful when it finally does happen, but it’s the price we will pay to have the best care. 

Everyone keeps telling me that I’m handling this so well. And while I feel like I do during the day, nights are the worst. I lay in bed undistracted and think about what is going on. I concentrate so much on my heart beat. Is that a normal pace? Is it going too fast? Why does the artery in my neck feel huge? Will I wake up in the morning?  To be completely honest, I’m scared. I am scared of what’s going to happen, what isn’t going to happen, how long I’m really going to be hospitalized? what if something happens before I can make it to Atlanta? What if my heart can’t take the delivery and I die in childbirth? What if something goes wrong after delivery and the doctor can’t get there fast enough? “What if’s” are constantly on my mind. We knew this would be a challenging pregnancy. While it looks from the outside that everything is going well, the reality is that I’m in heart failure and my body is FAILING. During the day I don’t really about it too much (besides this blog post haha). I have to be strong as possible for Charlotte. I want to keep positively thinking all the time. The mind is such a powerful tool and I want to know I can overcome this hurdle. I get ready every day. Shower, dressed, makeup. If I didn’t, I’d feel sick. I want to feel as normal as possible. 

I realize I am just blabbing on, but this is real life people! This is what is happening. Again, the blog posts are the best way to reach everyone and answer all of your questions at once. If you are still reading this, bless you!! 

#bumpie

Nursing cover, swaddle blanket, and baby wrap.  I didn't use any of these with Charlotte.  Tahnee will be teaching me how to use all of these when she gets here! Andrew will be our model. haha

Baby crib is up.  Now to figure out the configuration of the nursery.  

Some basic newborn clothes.  I learned with Charlotte they are only in newborn clothes for a couple weeks, tops.  Unlike with Charlotte, I have really reeled it in with the clothes buying.  Hardly any at all! #winning