Saturday, March 3, my dad and I were sitting in my hospital room and all of a sudden the attending OB (who I had never met) came in and announced that the baby's heart rate was dropping and that she may be coming out in the next hour! Of course I started freaking out because Josh wasn't at the hospital yet. He had planned to hang out with Charlotte on Saturday and come to Atlanta permanently on Sunday. The room seemed to keep filling with more doctors. My dad started packing all of our stuff. I called Josh and told him to hurry and get here and they weren't waiting for him. I FaceTimed with Charlotte and that was awful. I was so scared and crying uncontrollably and completely scared her. It was just chaos. In the midst of the craziness, my dad somehow managed to give me a Priesthood blessing. They hurried me from the Antepartum unit (where high-risk pregnant patients stay) to Labor and Delivery. When I got to the room, it felt like it was 100 degrees (and I had kept my other room at 65). I was still freaking out, which I am sure was raising my temperature and I was in a labor bed (not comfortable) and I was just beside myself. I had the anesthesiology team come in and ask me a ton of questions. I had different doctors in and out, introducing themselves to me for the first time, and I was just hoping deep down that I wasn't going to have to deliver under these stressful circumstances. Of course I also kept saying, "I knew this would happen," referring to something happening while Josh wasn't there! Josh frantically had thrown everything into a suitcase and got in the car as fast as he could. Of course by the time he had reached the hospital, everything had calmed down and they wanted to just have me sleep with the baby montior all night. When I eventually was about to go to sleep, they had said there hadn't been any episodes or "decels" since I arrived in L&D. By the morning, nothing had happened. So I was able to go back to Antepartum and just relax. It was so stressful and completely took us all off guard. I was put back on track to deliver on Wednesday, March 7.
Four days later, March 7, 2018, I woke up with so many thoughts and emotions going through my mind. I didn't turn on the TV or look at my phone. I didn't want my mind on anything besides delivering my sweet baby girl. Doctors came in and out to make sure I was ready. I was ready as I was ever going to be. I had been told I would need an arterial line (an IV in an artery), in addition to the midline I already had AND the epidural I was about to receive. If you haven't caught on yet, I HATE needles more than anything else. Like, I really don't like them. I never have and at this point, I don't think I ever will. So I had enough to worry about, that I just wanted to stay as calm as possible. My anxiety of everything was definetly getting the best of me.
The night before, Josh and my dad gave me a Priesthood Blessing. Helping me to calm my nerves and that everything would go smoothly. There were just so many concerns we had, and for me that gave me so much peace. The morning of, before getting wheeled into pre-op, Josh said a prayer amongst the three of us. It was very sweet and emotional. We were all a little nervous and scared but also had an enormous amount of faith that things would be fine.
I was finally brought into the pre-op room, which ended up being the worst part of the day. Josh went in with me, as well as my L&D nurse, Raynell, (who I had had a couple other times throughout my stay). An anesthesiologist came in and informed me that I would need THREE additional IV ports, including the AV line I was told about. I don't want to get into the nitty gritty, but I will say it was absoultuely horrible and ended up taking TWO HOURS. Ugh! I really felt like I was in a torture chamber. I am amazed Josh stayed in the entire time. They had to try the AV line four different times. It hurt so bad. I have zero pain tolerance and was having a hard time handling all the ports. My artery would collapse or something would happen. I know in that 2 hour time slot I could have had the baby! Which I think was frustrating everyone involved. I was pushing back schedules and everything. It was just bad from every angle you looked at it. I kept apologizing and I was exhausted by the end of those two hours.
Next, they wheeled me into the OR. I was terrified about the epidural, but I kept telling myself it couldn't be worse than what I had just endured. Once I entered the OR I just had a very calm feeling come over me. I wasn't nervous, I just felt like everything was going to be fine. They instructed me up on the operating table and I watched as they prepped the room. Several doctors came in, introduced themselves to me. I sat and waited for the epidural. The anesthesiologist came in and he was so great at walking me through everything. It didn't hurt one bit and I didn't shed one tear. I was more worried about moving than anything else. I was so happy when that was over. The epidural had to be a slow-drip so they could watch my blood pressure (through the AV line). That was what the doctors were mostly worried about during the epidural. It took a while for me to become completely numb. When they were testing my "numbness" I kept telling them I could feel even if I couldn't because I wanted it to be REALLY numb. They were like, "you can still feel that?" "Yep!" Once everything was numb, they brought in Josh and he sat right next to me. I was dozing off before he got there because I was so relaxed. Then he came in and we were just chatting as they performed the surgery. Before we knew it, the doctors said, "Naomi is here and she's so cute!" I couldn't hear her cry and asked whatever doctor was next to me. They said that was pretty normal and she started crying a few moments later. Josh peeked over the drape and saw her. Then left my side haha. I seriously was just so calm and fine with the entire situation. I think I was so tired too. I never once shed a tear in the OR. I was just so happy everything was going so smoothly. They showed me Naomi on her way out of the room and I had Josh go with her. I thought I would want Josh to stay with me after, but I was feeling so good, that I just sent him to be with our baby girl. I then was wheeled off to the recovery room.
In the recovery room is where I saw my dad and Josh again. My cardiologist came as well and said that everything was looking great. Yay! I was so thrilled to hear that. After about an hour, they took me to the Cardiac ICU where I spent the night. I ended up only spending one night there and was taken back down to the Antepartum unit. I don't really remember much about the CCU, except that I was in so much pain!! That night, Josh was able to sleep in one of the "Live-in Suites" next to the NICU. It worked out great he didn't have to leave the hospital and could be right next to Naomi.
When I moved back down to Antepartum, I was relieved. I got to know the nurses so well that I just wanted to stay with them. They took the best care of me and I felt like they really cared about me and my situation. Josh could also sleep in my room, which was great to have him there with me. My incision was still really painful. I would cry everytime I had to stand up or sit down. Moving was really hard. I just kept thinking, " why do so many women choose this option of delivery?" The area around my incision was so swollen and bruised. But everyone that was checking up on me said that it was normal and the incision looked great. I am not sure if we were looking at the same thing, but I just kept going along with it.
I was able to see Naomi the day after I delievered. It was such a wonderful, emotional moment. Of course, soon as I laid eyes on her, I started crying. I couldn't believe I had survived this complicated pregnancy and have a beautiful baby girl! Instantly there was a connection and love I could never explain. But I am sure many of you mothers know what I'm talking about. I was so worried while I was pregnant that there wouldn't be that connection once she was born. I struggled to feel it before I delivered. But I was pleasantly surprised when I saw her! Each day I see her, the connection gets stronger and stronger. Very quickly I started feeling like "how did I live without her?"
I finally was discharged on Saturday, March 10. Everything looked great (supposedly). I was still in a lot of pain, but it was "normal." We ended up staying in the Ronald McDonald House (my dad stayed there once I was out of the CCU) and it has been a wonderful setup. Each room sleeps four people and there is food provided at all times. They have sponsored dinners every night. It has really helped keep costs down from having to get a hotel and eat out every meal.
On Tuesday, March 13, my dad flew out to go back home. It was so great to have him here. He offered so much emotional and spiritual support to Josh and I while he was here. I am so grateful to have a dad that cares so much about his family; about his children. He didn't hesitate to come out to Atlanta and be with me. This is the second time where my dad has flown across the country to stay with me in the hospital. And both times, ironically, he stayed for 17 days. We have started calling it the "longest daddy/daughter date ever." I know these times that I get to spend with my dad are priceless. He got to spend time with Naomi and hold her every day. He was so glad that we named her after his grandmother, who he loved so much.
Later that day, Josh and I were at the RM house and I was just in tears with pain. Josh suggested we go to the Emergency Room. I don't want to go into too many details, because they are insignificant and it was absoultely horribel, but we ended up staying in the ER for TEN HOURS before getting readmitted. I can't even think about it without getting angry. Long story short, I thought I had an infection but turns out I had a really bad allergic reaction to the dressing and tape after the c-section. My skin is incredibly sensitive and really reacted poorly to every thing! After a few antibiotics and realizing what was happening, I was released a few days later. I am feeling so much better. It is still sensitive, but I feel like I can function as a normal human being again!
Josh and I visit with Naomi every day, all day. Everytime we leave her at night, I cry. I hate leaving her. It is really horrible. I mean, I hate that Charlotte's room is so at the other end of the hallway upstairs from the Master bedroom, let alone leaving my child and staying 15-20 minutes away. But Naomi has had the best nurses and we have always felt really comfortable with them. I have been able to do a lot of skin-to-skin and I have been able to bathe her. That was a little terrifying, since she's so tiny!! But we are just obsessed with her. When I was still admitted, Josh would stay with her until midnight, every night. Now we are able to stay all day and leave anywhere between 8-10 pm. All the nurses keep reminding me that I need to get my rest. Which I do want to be completely rested by the time we get to go home. I need to be able to do normal mom duties, cook dinners and drive around town. We are missing our Charlotte so much. I have finally stopped crying every time I FaceTime with her. (As you can tell, I have been crying a lot lately. haha) It has been exactly a month today that I have been admitted to the hospital and away from home. I am so looking forward to being in my own house, on my own bed, with both my girls every day! We don't know how long Naomi will have to be in the NICU and we don't ask. They have told us to plan on my original due date. If she is released before that, we will consider ourselves lucky. But we definetly don't mind being with her day in and day out. She is our teeny, tiny bundle of joy. I just need to see my Charlotte girl soon or I'm going to go crazy!! We are so grateful to Eve who has been watching Charlotte while we are away. They have done some fun things together. It is nice not having to worry about what is going on at home.
We are also so grateful to everyone who has prayed and fasted for our family. We have felt the love and support. Your prayers have been heard and Heavenly Father has something special planned for our family. I have seen many miracles in my life and this is among them. Going from having a 7% chance of living to building a beautiful family makes me think I have some things I need to accomplish on this Earth. I know that my Heavenly Father loves all of us and has different lessons for all of us to learn and He teaches us all differently. I try my hardest not to take anything for granted. This entire expereinece has been one of the most spiritual experiences I have had. Before getting pregnant and during the pregnancy, I have leaned so much on my Heavenly Father. I put all of my trust in Him. Nothing has made my faith grow so much than having my two girls. They are my little angel babies. I hope one day they can realize just how special they are to their dad and me, and how much Heavenly Father wanted to send them to us!!
I am not a good writer, this is manily for my personal journal, but I am happy to share these thoughts and memories with anyone who cares enough to read about them. I know there are some of you who have asked about how I am doing and this seems to be the best way to reach everyone. :)
I have had requests for an update on my pregnancy and since it's now been over a week, I guess I am long overdue.
I am now over 31 weeks and still pregnant. Yay! I am really feeling great, but I am not using any energy whatsoever, so that's why! The doctors come in every day and check on me. I am sure I am the most boring patient they've ever had because nothing seems to change. It's very uneventful around here, but that is a good thing!
There is a pressure gradient across my valve they have continued to check. I am not completely clear on how the scale works or how high the scale goes up to (I tried looking it up and WOW...I was confused and there was way too much math involved), but before I was pregnant I was at a 6. The day I was admitted I had reached 16 and that's what made me stay at the hopsital. They have been watching my fluids very closely, my I's and O's (input and output). I had another echo done on Monday and the number had gone down to 14. Good to hear that the number hadn't risen. The fluids inside my body are what they are really concerned about. Too much fluid pressure on the valve is dangerous, which has resulted in heart failure, now for my second time. This is what they will be watching closely right after the baby is born. There are a lot of fluid shifts after delievery for the normal pregnant lady, but in my siutation it's very dangerous.
Speaking of delivery, we have a set date and time on the books! I rather not share publicly what that is, just in case it changes, but it is SOON. I will be having a c-section, which I am a little nervous about, but I know it happens daily and everything will be fine. At this point, I am the most nervous about my epidural. Only because I hate needles so much and they will not let Josh in the room with me, AGAIN. I seriously can't catch a break in this department. Haha. But I am trying to wrap my head around it and be prepared as much as possible. The epidural has to be administered very slowly and I've been told it will take an hour to put in all the medicine. Apparently, when given an epidural, your blood pressure can easily increase. They do not want this to happen to me so they have to go slow. Of course, just drag out my most nerve-wrecking moment. ;) Once that's in, Josh can come into the OR. Once the baby is out, they will show her to us and then take her straight to the NICU and I will go off to the CCU (Cardiac Care Unit, equivalent to the ICU for heart patients). I will be there for at least 24 hours. Josh and my dad will basically be going back and forth from me and the baby. Of course I wish I could be the one next to the baby's side, but it's only for 24 hours. I am glad I know everything ahead of time. I can mentally and emotionally prepare.
The doctors anticipate I'll only have to be in the hopsital for another three to four days after delievery. Make sure I am stable. I am not sure how long Josh will stay in Atlanta with us, but we are trying to get into the Ronald McDonald House. The social worker has all of our information and can make the call soon as the baby is born. Not much can be done before that. We have also talked to the neonatalogist about transferring the baby to the NICU in Charlotte, NC, closer to home. That would be amazing if we could do that. Then I can see both of my girls every day!! We just have to approve it with insurance. So cross your fingers!! If not, I will be in Atlanta until the baby is discharged. The NICU has told us to plan on being here until the baby's original due date (May 2). That's what I am planning on but, obviously, hoping for a sooner date.
My dad is here with me. If you follow my Instagram account (@tiershawhitmore) you've seen his little bed. He is such a trooper and I really appreciate the support he has offered while being here. Both of us being talkers, keep each other company. We both have a love of the Gospel and discuss different topics and pray together every night. Earlier this week was his mother, my grandmother's, birthday. We talked a lot about his childhood and his parents and grandparents. I am so grateful to come from such a loving family (on both sides of my parents). My grandparents love each other so much and I have been able to see that example throughout my entire life. This was the first time my dad has ever missed his mom's birthday and I appreciate her support and understanding as to why he wasn't there to celebrate her.
Josh and Charlotte came up last weekend. It was emotional, to say the least. Due to flu season, children under 12 cannot come to the individual rooms. They can only stay in the lobby. We had to deal with finding a place to hunker down. It was just a little complicated. It will probably be the only time she comes to Atlanta. She cannot visit the NICU either, even though she's a sibling. There will be a lot of FaceTime. But when we finally walk through the front door with our sweet new baby, Charlotte will be one thrilled big sister and it will be the best day ever. I cannot even think about Charlotte without crying. She is seriously the best thing that has happened to Josh and I. I really cannot imagine loving another little girl as much as I love Charlotte. I know it will happen, but WOW! I am able to FaceTime her every night. I love that she is distracted during the day with her Gram. They are having a ball. Josh's sister, Meg, is also at our house with her two kiddos for a little bit. Charlotte is in heaven with her cousins and so much is going on to keep her busy. I am so grateful for all of our family's support!
I still can't get over the fact I'll have TWO kids!! I know some of you reading this have probably double that, but I have had one for so long, I really can't even believe it. I am so excited to have two little girls, and it's getting more real each day. This tiny baby will complete our eternal family. I am so grateful to the inspiration I have followed to get to where I am today. I am grateful for such a supportive husband whose faith has never wavered when it came to this. Josh has been saying for the last five years I could do this. I have been so up and down and really did doubt my ability to carry another child. I am so glad Josh was patient with me, never pressuring me or making me feel inadequate. We really had to be on the same page when it came to expanding our family and I'm glad everything worked out the way it did. Josh will come up again this weekend and I cannot wait to see him!! Thank you to everyone who has sent mail, packages, messages, phone calls, hospital visits, putting my name in the temple, and most importantly, your thoughts and prayers. I really do feel so loved and hope one day I can repay all of the service you have done for me and my family. I really cannot tell you how excited I am to get back to my normal self!!! I can't wait to be back in the social circle, get to know my neighbors and ward family better, play outside with Charlotte and take the baby on walks, go to Carowinds this summer, enjoy the wonderful weather it will be by the time I get to leave with the baby, and just everything that comes along with NORMAL LIFE!! I am not sure what else to write or comment on, but feel free to ask any questions. I am very slow to respond, but I everntually get around to it.
