Naomi Turns Two Months

My grandma made this quilt for Naomi.  Every great grandchild has received one.  

I cannot believe I gave birth TWO months ago already.  Even though Josh keeps saying Naomi is only five days old...  The silver lining of having a (very healthy) premie, is that I haven't been pregnant for the last two months.  I was never worried about Naomi.  She was always doing so well.  It was all about getting her to grow in the beginning.  A lot has happened in the last month...

 Naomi finally came home from the NICU on April 12.  It was a good day!!  I had been bugging the NICU staff to just let her try to eat on her own and give her a chance, instead of waiting for the right moment.  Persistence is one of my strengths, Josh would probably argue and say it's an annoyance haha, but it worked.  Soon as I convinced the doctors and nurses, Naomi ate like a champ for 48 hours and we got to go home.  It was like, HELLO???  I was so glad my mom was in town for this.  She really helped with the transition at home. Luckily, she was willing to take the night shift until she left.  That was the hardest part of transitioning.  Charlotte is old enough where she can do for herself (and likes to), so we haven't really had too many issues of juggling the kids.

Coming home from the hospital

First time Charlotte met Naomi

Naomi is a very noisy baby.  Honestly, Charlotte was not.  I don't remember her even waking up during the night.  I mean, I'm sure she did, but I don't remember.  We were told that because Naomi is a premie, she is extra noisy.  It's the loudest at night.  We have her in a bassinet next to our bed, but she keeps us up at all hours.  Although, I have learned that if we swaddle her (which she hates) and burp her, the noises are less.  

Just this past week, she has gone like a four hour stretch at night in between feedings.  I am still pumping due to Naomi having thrush, and we have learned how to be a little more prepared at night with the bottles.  I feel like I have a middle-of-the-night routine down pretty well by now.  

During the day, Naomi is a trooper.  Always having to get in and out of the carseat to take or pickup Charlotte from preschool and various activities.  Naomi loves being outside.  The other night I had to run somewhere and Josh was out pulling weeds, so we just put her in the rock-n-play outside and she loved it.  We have been going to the pool and Carowinds (no, I don't do the rides, just sit around) and she loves just being in her stroller.  The bassinet attaches to the stroller frame and it sure has come in handy.  She does stay awake a good amount of time during the day, but of course, sleeps a lot of it as well.

We have had a home health nurse come to the house every Wednesday since she was released from the NICU.  This Wednesday will be the last time.  She weighs her and just makes sure we are keeping her alive (I guess?).  Last Wednesday, May 2, was her actual due date.  She weighed in at 7 pounds and 6 ounces, the same weight Charlotte was at birth.  It really was a fun little moment.  I was really hoping that would be the case, just for kicks, and sure enough, it just happened that way!  Her two month appointment is this Friday, May 11.  Naomi also loves taking a bath.  It totally soothes her.  Like mother, like daughter. ;)

Speaking of Charlotte, she still is in love!  She wants to hold Naomi all the time, but also gets bored easily.  Charlotte gets a little frustrated when she cries and doesn't really know how to help.  But we are working on that.  I know they will have a special bond forever.  Charlotte has wanted a sibling for the last couple years and all of her dreams have finally come true.  I look forward to when Naomi will interact with Charlotte more.  That will really make Charlotte happy!

As for being two months postpartum, all I can say is "UGH!"  I know my body was never perfect, but I am still in that stage of wondering if my body will ever be back to normal.  Literally no clothes fit, it's too depressing to go shopping and my doctor has told me to not exercise right now due to my heart.  So am I just going to get fatter?  Please still love me!! haha.  All I can hold on to right now is that it shouldn't be too long until I receive my new valve and can be a normal person again!  I will be meeting with my cardiologist in Atlanta in July to discuss and plan the surgery.  I really do just want to get it over with at this point.  I am still having lightheaded/dizzy spells and that makes me a little nervous.  So I don't really go anywhere, aside from my daily errands, without Josh.  I wait for him on the weekends to do any big things (mainly for the house).  I have been able to really lay low and take it easy.  Our ward has been so nice in watching Charlotte and bringing meals and just stopping in to see how things are going.  We really can't thank them enough!

To everyone else that has reached out, thank you!  I know I haven't got my thank you cards out, but I do think about your kindness all the time and wonder what I did to deserve so many caring people in my life.  

Naomi Is ONE Month

This has been the month of all months. Honestly, I can’t even believe our sweet Naomi is one month old. Unfortunately, we’ve had to spend it in the hospital, but on the bright side, she has been growing like crazy and progressing as needed. My only complaint is that she hasn’t quite grasped drinking her ENTIRE bottle, so we are only working on feedings. Once she gets them down, we can go home. So if you aren’t tired of praying for our family yet, we need prayers that Naomi can come home soon! 

In her short little life, Naomi has brought so much joy to our lives. We love having her apart of our family and know that she really does complete us. I love thinking that we are a family of four. That we have worked so hard for her, it’s been a true team effort to get her to where she is.

  

At birth, she weighed 4 lbs. 2 oz. as of last night, she weighs 5 lbs. 10 oz.! She is a little chunker now! We have loved watching her grow and really become a different baby than a month ago. She is starting to cry more, squirm when her diaper is being changed, she has even pulled my hair! It’s exciting to watch! She loves having her hands up by her face, usually touching her face or in little fists of fury. She also grunts a ton and makes cooing noises. Josh and I have become pros at NICU life and I think Josh should make a career change to a NICU nurse. We have had fabulous nurses in Atlanta and Charlotte and we have been so happy with the care Naomi is receiving. Now, baby girl, time to start chugging those bottles!! 

This last month has also been full of a lot of adjustments. With Charlotte, I wasn’t producing any milk, but with Naomi, I am. These days I am a pumping machine. Actually, I don’t want to give myself too much credit. I do forget or don’t wake up in the middle of the night to pump. Like I said, adjustments! But I am still producing milk, much to my surprise. Naomi has been on straight breastmilk since she’s been born. It’s quite the accomplishment for me, since I wasn’t really able to do that with Charlotte. BUT, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. I know it’s good for her being in the NICU and being so small. So as long as the milk is flowing, she’ll get it! Another adjustment is having to leave her every day. I cry at least once a day because I’m leaving my baby and, well, the bottle feeding situation has been frustrating. Those two things have really affected me, but I know it’s all part of the process. I don’t necessarily feel guilt, I know a lot of this is out of my control, but it’s just not what I’m used to. Luckily, I know it will get better! One last thing that has been difficult, is finding the balance between Charlotte and Naomi. They both need me, but I can only be with one of them at a time. Josh has been great in switching with me. We swap hospital and house duty. WOW, adding another kid to the mix (and after 5 1/2 years) is no joke! But it is so wonderful at the same time and I wouldn’t trade it for anything! 

Post-Pregnancy Update

Since my last update, so much has happened. First off, we are back home, well, Josh and I are. Naomi was transferred to a NICU about 20 minutes from our house in Charlotte. It’s been so great having her close. Charlotte has been able to see her through the glass a few times and loves it more and more. She cannot wait until Naomi is home though. 

Naomi is such a sweet baby and we are so grateful for her to finally be on earth. I can’t believe I would still be pregnant at this point. I just hit my 36 week mark on Wednesday. I hate to say it, but I’m glad I’m not pregnant anymore. Naomi turned one month today.

Josh’s Mom, Eve, had been here for three weeks watching Charlotte while we were in Atlanta. We cannot say thank you enough to her and all the stress she took off of us. It was wonderful not having to worry about Charlotte and if she was being cared for or if she was getting enough attention or anything like that. She loved being with her Gram!! A couple days after we arrived home, Josh’s Dad arrived and was able to meet Naomi. It was a great few days and then they drove back home to Connecticut. 

On Friday, March 30, I had my follow-up appointment in Atlanta. We drove up and back the same day and took Charlotte. It was a long day but it worked out just fine. My dad was in town, as well, so we picked him before the appointment. He watched Charlotte for us, which was awesome. I had an echocardiogram done and Dr. Book went over the results with me. In a nutshell, I am still in heart failure. My heart has not really improved since having the baby. The pressure on my valve has lessened, but still higher than she’d like it to be. She didn’t give me a number/scale this time. She switched around some medication and is hoping that will by some time. Four months, actually, until my next appointment. Which I’m thrilled. It was getting a little tiring going to and from Atlanta every month. But I love my cardiologist, that I have decided to stay with her permanently. She still is planning on a valve replacement surgery in 6-12 months. In the meantime, they are having a conference with surgeons and other heart specialists and will be discussing my case. Will they go through my leg up an artery? Will they make an incision in the rib cage? They need to figure out the best way to insert the new valve with my complicated situation and failing heart. She said the surgery could possibly take as much time as an open-heart surgery due to the baffles they had to put in during my first open-heart surgery. They will be the hardest part of the surgery to get through. Dr. Book is hoping this can possibly give me another ten years until I would need a heart transplant. I still can’t do any intense exercising, but she said walks with the baby, leisurely bike rides and chasing after the kids are totally fine. Phew! I do feel really good! I can go up the stairs without panting, clean the house without running out of breath and I’m not tired all the time. She was glad I feel well because inside is not looking good. So even though the pregnancy is over, my journey is not. I will continue to keep updates on this as it gets closer to the surgery. 

When we left Atlanta, my dad came home with us for about four days and flew out of Charlotte. He was excited to see Naomi. I have a feeling she will hold a special place in his heart. He also helped us with some projects around the house. Painting a couple rooms, taking down a kitchen cabinet and replacing it with floating shelves and reusing the cabinet in our bathroom. The house is really looking great and coming together beautifully. My dad (and mom) is so good with everything handy, that it’s hard not have them help with things when they come out. Josh and I learn new things and squire new tools each time my parents come out. I will have to get pictures once everything is decorated and completed! 

The day after my dad left, we had Josh’s sister, Rachel, and her family come visit for spring break. It was so fun! Charlotte loves being with her cousins and it went really smoothly. They spent one entire day at Carowinds and loved it. We were even able to show all the kids Naomi behind the glass wall. We are sad they left this morning but hopefully we can see them this summer! 

Josh has been quite the trooper throughout everything. He has taken a month of paternity leave. I’m going to be a wreck when he goes back to work on Monday. I’ve got so used to him being here and helping. I tell him all the time he’s the perfect “girl Dad.” He is obsessed with his daughters. I am so grateful to his employers who have been so supportive toward our family and told Josh to do what he needed. Since we’ve been back at home, we have been able to switch back and forth, one of us at home and one of us at the hospital. I feel like this entire journey has strengthened our marriage and brought us closer together, and for that, I am so grateful. 

Luckily, my mom arrives on Tuesday. I feel like I’m a pretty self-sufficient person, but I am really nervous to be doing two kids by myself. Monday will be interesting.  I know I’ll get into a rhythm and it will be easy peasy, but until Naomi is home and things are our new normal, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. I know she will gladly do whatever I need with either girl and be in heaven. I really hope she’s here while Naomi gets to come home. That will be a special moment that my mom can be apart of. 

Next month we have a bunch of family coming out for Naomi’s baby blessing. We are looking forward to more of our siblings meeting her for the first time. We also can’t thank everyone enough for your thoughts and prayers for our family. We have felt a tremendous outpouring of love and it’s been amazing. As I look back over the last seven months, I can see where Heavenly Father’s hand was and all the many miracles (truly, miracles) that took place. I will do another blog post about this topic, but this has been the most spiritual experience I’ve had. And I feel so fortunate to have been able to have all of this happen and grow from it. 

Naomi's Birth Story

Saturday, March 3, my dad and I were sitting in my hospital room and all of a sudden the attending OB (who I had never met) came in and announced that the baby's heart rate was dropping and that she may be coming out in the next hour!  Of course I started freaking out because Josh wasn't at the hospital yet.  He had planned to hang out with Charlotte on Saturday and come to Atlanta permanently on Sunday.  The room seemed to keep filling with more doctors.  My dad started packing all of our stuff.  I called Josh and told him to hurry and get here and they weren't waiting for him.  I FaceTimed with Charlotte and that was awful.  I was so scared and crying uncontrollably and completely scared her.  It was just chaos. In the midst of the craziness, my dad somehow managed to give me a Priesthood blessing. They hurried me from the Antepartum unit (where high-risk pregnant patients stay) to Labor and Delivery.  When I got to the room, it felt like it was 100 degrees (and I had kept my other room at 65).  I was still freaking out, which I am sure was raising my temperature and I was in a labor bed (not comfortable) and I was just beside myself.  I had the anesthesiology team come in and ask me a ton of questions. I had different doctors in and out, introducing themselves to me for the first time, and I was just hoping deep down that I wasn't going to have to deliver under these stressful circumstances.  Of course I also kept saying, "I knew this would happen," referring to something happening while Josh wasn't there!  Josh frantically had thrown everything into a suitcase and got in the car as fast as he could.  Of course by the time he had reached the hospital, everything had calmed down and they wanted to just have me sleep with the baby montior all night.  When I eventually was about to go to sleep, they had said there hadn't been any episodes or "decels" since I arrived in L&D.  By the morning, nothing had happened.  So I was able to go back to Antepartum and just relax.  It was so stressful and completely took us all off guard.  I was put back on track to deliver on Wednesday, March 7.    Four days later, March 7, 2018, I woke up with so many thoughts and emotions going through my mind.  I didn't turn on the TV or look at my phone.  I didn't want my mind on anything besides delivering my sweet baby girl.  Doctors came in and out to make sure I was ready.  I was ready as I was ever going to be.  I had been told I would need an arterial line (an IV in an artery), in addition to the midline I already had AND the epidural I was about to receive.  If you haven't caught on yet, I HATE needles more than anything else.  Like, I really don't like them.  I never have and at this point, I don't think I ever will.  So I had enough to worry about, that I just wanted to stay as calm as possible.  My anxiety of everything was definetly getting the best of me.  

The night before, Josh and my dad gave me a Priesthood Blessing.  Helping me to calm my nerves and that everything would go smoothly.  There were just so many concerns we had, and for me that gave me so much peace.  The morning of, before getting wheeled into pre-op, Josh said a prayer amongst the three of us.  It was very sweet and emotional.  We were all a little nervous and scared but also had an enormous amount of faith that things would be fine.   I was finally brought into the pre-op room, which ended up being the worst part of the day.  Josh went in with me, as well as my L&D nurse, Raynell, (who I had had a couple other times throughout my stay). An anesthesiologist came in and informed me that I would need THREE additional IV ports, including the AV line I was told about.  I don't want to get into the nitty gritty, but I will say it was absoultuely horrible and ended up taking TWO HOURS.  Ugh!  I really felt like I was in a torture chamber.  I am amazed Josh stayed in the entire time.  They had to try the AV line four different times.  It hurt so bad.  I have zero pain tolerance and was having a hard time handling all the ports.  My artery would collapse or something would happen.  I know in that 2 hour time slot I could have had the baby!  Which I think was frustrating everyone involved.  I was pushing back schedules and everything.  It was just bad from every angle you looked at it.  I kept apologizing and I was exhausted by the end of those two hours.   Next, they wheeled me into the OR.  I was terrified about the epidural, but I kept telling myself it couldn't be worse than what I had just endured.  Once I entered the OR I just had a very calm feeling come over me.  I wasn't nervous, I just felt like everything was going to be fine.  They instructed me up on the operating table and I watched as they prepped the room.  Several doctors came in, introduced themselves to me.  I sat and waited for the epidural.  The anesthesiologist came in and he was so great at walking me through everything.  It didn't hurt one bit and I didn't shed one tear.  I was more worried about moving than anything else.  I was so happy when that was over.  The epidural had to be a slow-drip so they could watch my blood pressure (through the AV line).  That was what the doctors were mostly worried about during the epidural.  It took a while for me to become completely numb.  When they were testing my "numbness" I kept telling them I could feel even if I couldn't because I wanted it to be REALLY numb.  They were like, "you can still feel that?"  "Yep!"  Once everything was numb, they brought in Josh and he sat right next to me.  I was dozing off before he got there because I was so relaxed.  Then he came in and we were just chatting as they performed the surgery.  Before we knew it,  the doctors said, "Naomi is here and she's so cute!"  I couldn't hear her cry and asked whatever doctor was next to me.  They said that was pretty normal and she started crying a few moments later.  Josh peeked over the drape and saw her.  Then left my side haha.  I seriously was just so calm and fine with the entire situation.  I think I was so tired too.  I never once shed a tear in the OR.  I was just so happy everything was going so smoothly.  They showed me Naomi on her way out of the room and I had Josh go with her.  I thought I would want Josh to stay with me after, but I was feeling so good, that I just sent him to be with our baby girl.  I then was wheeled off to the recovery room. In the recovery room is where I saw my dad and Josh again.  My cardiologist came as well and said that everything was looking great.  Yay!  I was so thrilled to hear that.  After about an hour, they took me to the Cardiac ICU where I spent the night.  I ended up only spending one night there and was taken back down to the Antepartum unit.  I don't really remember much about the CCU, except that I was in so much pain!!  That night, Josh was able to sleep in one of the "Live-in Suites" next to the NICU.  It worked out great he didn't have to leave the hospital and could be right next to Naomi.   When I moved back down to Antepartum, I was relieved.  I got to know the nurses so well that I just wanted to stay with them.  They took the best care of me and I felt like they really cared about me and my situation.  Josh could also sleep in my room, which was great to have him there with me.  My incision was still really painful.  I would cry everytime I had to stand up or sit down.  Moving was really hard.  I just kept thinking, " why do so many women choose this option of delivery?"  The area around my incision was so swollen and bruised.  But everyone that was checking up on me said that it was normal and the incision looked great.  I am not sure if we were looking at the same thing, but I just kept going along with it.   I was able to see Naomi the day after I delievered.  It was such a wonderful, emotional moment.  Of course, soon as I laid eyes on her, I started crying.  I couldn't believe I had survived this complicated pregnancy and have a beautiful baby girl!  Instantly there was a connection and love I could never explain.  But I am sure many of you mothers know what I'm talking about.  I was so worried while I was pregnant that there wouldn't be that connection once she was born.  I struggled to feel it before I delivered.  But I was pleasantly surprised when I saw her!  Each day I see her, the connection gets stronger and stronger.  Very quickly I started feeling like "how did I live without her?"  

I finally was discharged on Saturday, March 10.  Everything looked great (supposedly).  I was still in a lot of pain, but it was "normal."  We ended up staying in the Ronald McDonald House (my dad stayed there once I was out of the CCU) and it has been a wonderful setup.  Each room sleeps four people and there is food provided at all times.  They have sponsored dinners every night.  It has really helped keep costs down from having to get a hotel and eat out every meal.  

On Tuesday, March 13, my dad flew out to go back home.  It was so great to have him here.  He offered so much emotional and spiritual support to Josh and I while he was here.  I am so grateful to have a dad that cares so much about his family; about his children.  He didn't hesitate to come out to Atlanta and be with me.  This is the second time where my dad has flown across the country to stay with me in the hospital.  And both times, ironically, he stayed for 17 days.  We have started calling it the "longest daddy/daughter date ever." I know these times that I get to spend with my dad are priceless.  He got to spend time with Naomi and hold her every day.  He was so glad that we named her after his grandmother, who he loved so much.  

Later that day, Josh and I were at the RM house and I was just in tears with pain.  Josh suggested we go to the Emergency Room.  I don't want to go into too many details, because they are insignificant and it was absoultely horribel, but we ended up staying in the ER for TEN HOURS before getting readmitted.  I can't even think about it without getting angry.  Long story short, I thought I had an infection but turns out I had a really bad allergic reaction to the dressing and tape after the c-section.  My skin is incredibly sensitive and really reacted poorly to every thing!  After a few antibiotics and realizing what was happening, I was released a few days later.  I am feeling so much better.  It is still sensitive, but I feel like I can function as a normal human being again! Josh and I visit with Naomi every day, all day.  Everytime we leave her at night, I cry.  I hate leaving her.  It is really horrible.  I mean, I hate that Charlotte's room is so at the other end of the hallway upstairs from the Master bedroom, let alone leaving my child and staying 15-20 minutes away.  But Naomi has had the best nurses and we have always felt really comfortable with them.  I have been able to do a lot of skin-to-skin and I have been able to bathe her.  That was a little terrifying, since she's so tiny!!  But we are just obsessed with her.  When I was still admitted, Josh would stay with her until midnight, every night.  Now we are able to stay all day and leave anywhere between 8-10 pm.  All the nurses keep reminding me that I need to get my rest.  Which I do want to be completely rested by the time we get to go home.  I need to be able to do normal mom duties, cook dinners and drive around town.  We are missing our Charlotte so much.  I have finally stopped crying every time I FaceTime with her.  (As you can tell, I have been crying a lot lately. haha)  It has been exactly a month today that I have been admitted to the hospital and away from home.  I am so looking forward to being in my own house, on my own bed, with both my girls every day!  We don't know how long Naomi will have to be in the NICU and we don't ask.  They have told us to plan on my original due date.  If she is released before that, we will consider ourselves lucky. But we definetly don't mind being with her day in and day out.  She is our teeny, tiny bundle of joy.  I just need to see my Charlotte girl soon or I'm going to go crazy!!  We are so grateful to Eve who has been watching Charlotte while we are away.  They have done some fun things together.  It is nice not having to worry about what is going on at home. 

  We are also so grateful to everyone who has prayed and fasted for our family.  We have felt the love and support.  Your prayers have been heard and Heavenly Father has something special planned for our family. I have seen many miracles in my life and this is among them.  Going from having a 7% chance of living to building a beautiful family makes me think I have some things I need to accomplish on this Earth.  I know that my Heavenly Father loves all of us and has different lessons for all of us to learn and He teaches us all differently.  I try my hardest not to take anything for granted.  This entire expereinece has been one of the most spiritual experiences I have had.  Before getting pregnant and during the pregnancy, I have leaned so much on my Heavenly Father.  I put all of my trust in Him.  Nothing has made my faith grow so much than having my two girls.  They are my little angel babies.  I hope one day they can realize just how special they are to their dad and me, and how much Heavenly Father wanted to send them to us!!  

I am not a good writer, this is manily for my personal journal, but I am happy to share these thoughts and memories with anyone who cares enough to read about them.  I know there are some of you who have asked about how I am doing and this seems to be the best way to reach everyone.  :)