Unexpected Happenings

When I was pregnant, I was determined that I would nurse my baby no matter what.  No matter the pain (what I was mainly expecting), I was going to push through and give my child the best.  I had heard so many stories of people who "gave up" and not that I ever judged, but I just thought, that won't be me.  I had a rough start and after the first week of a starving baby, I paid out of pocket to see a lactation specialist.  It was great and at the appointment my milk came in.  I never was in pain or felt engorged.  I finally got the hang of it and Charlotte was feeding.  But after my milk came in and a few weeks went by, she started getting really fussy after feedings and just didn't seem satisfied.  She was always hungry.  The lactation specialist had told me that my water pill was most likely suppressing my milk production.  But my doctors didn't really want me to go off the water pill because I'm on it for my heart.  Kinda important.  I bought a pump, thinking that would help and get more milk.  I was pumping pretty frequently until I went to Utah for a wedding.  I had given Charlotte a couple bottles of formula up until then and brought formula with me just in case.  Well let's just say, Charlotte loves formula.  I thought it might be because it's easier for her to drink, but she didn't like pumped milk.  Long story short, I was nursing throughout the night and in the mornings and then formula the rest of the day.  Well, finally I dried up and have no milk and Charlotte is solely on formula.  It was actually really sad to think there is no more hope.  Those moments where I could just pull Charlotte close to me were gone.  But I have to say, she is such a happy baby and it's all contributed to formula.  She is satisfied and full, I'm happy, it's convenient to have anyone feed her (especially Josh- now they can bond more).  There is something to be said for having a happy baby.  At first I felt a little guilty, but after talking to SEVERAL women and doctors, I feel like this is a good thing.  In the beginning I liked nursing, but then something switched and I just wasn't loving it the same.  Everything is so good now and everyone is happy.  Obviously every mother wants to nurse, it's natural.  It's free.  It's always there.  It helps you lose weight.  It has many benefits for baby.  But sometimes, things don't happen the way you plan and it's ok.  For all those other new moms, I really hope you can nurse and for those moms that nurse so effortlessly, I'm jealous.  But luckily there are other alternatives that have their benefits.  Sorry about my long post, but some things just need to be said because I know there is probably at least one new mom out there that had similar feelings as to what I went through. Who knows what will happen with the next child.